Sunday, May 26, 2013

How to Spot a Conservative

I usually post a blog once a month or less often, they’re usually political and based in fact unless your conservative then they’re all fact based lies. I need a laugh so going to try something different this time.

How to Tell a Conservative from a Liberal

 

If you think giving a poor person money for food is welfare but giving Exxon a tax break for drilling a hole isn’t --- you are conservative

If you think Barack Obama is a big spending, big government socialist while George Bush and Ronald Reagan were small government frugal spenders === You are Conservative

If one of your arguments against universal healthcare is having to wait in line for your Viagra so a mom can get a cancer screening === You are Conservative

If you think Obama needs investigated for 4 dead Americans in Benghazi but asking questions about 9/11 or Iraq War makes you “Un-American” === You are Conservative

If you think selling weapons to Iran and funding terrorists is fine but getting a blowjob should get you fired ---- you are a conservative

If you think forcing a women to have a brain dead baby while supporting the death penalty, war and taking food from children and seniors makes you “Pro-Life” ==== You are a Conservative

If you think “Just say no” so the black man can’t get credit for anything is a governing policy -- You are a Conservative

If you go to a meeting and can identify people while they’re wearing hoods --- You Might Be Conservative

If you claim to be for smaller government and smaller deficits but vote republican anyway --- You are Conservative

If you blame Democrats for everything that happen the first day in office but give Bush a pass for 9/11 -- You are a Conservative

If you blame Obama for everything bad from his first day in office but give Bush credit for the death of Bin Laden === You are a Conservative

If you think Obama is not an American but support Ted Cruz (born in Canada) or Marco Rubio (father here illegally for a while) are great Americans === You are a Conservative

If you think teachers have it to nice while you make 180,000.00 a year and only work 12 days --- You are a conservative (and an asshole)

If you think military people in harms way, seniors who worked for 50 years, and people working 40hrs a week while making 12K a year are moochers because they pay no taxes --- You are a Conservative

If you live in a trailer park but vote republican because you someday “might be rich” - You are a conservative

If you get less votes and only win because of rigged districts but think it means America likes your ideas -- You Might Be a Conservative

If your presidential candidate gets less votes in 5 out of 6 election and you think it’s the message not the policies === you are a conservative

If you think taking birth control makes you a slut --- you are a conservative

If you’re talking about how pro-life you are while driving your mistress to get an abortion so the wife doesn’t find out --- you are a conservative

If you think democrats should resign because they took a picture in their underwear but republicans shouldn’t be ashamed of visiting prostitutes --- you are a conservative

If you think Fox News is Fair, Balanced or Honest -- you are a conservative

If you think Fox News is “liberal” -- You’re just F#cking crazy

If you think building a fence to keep the brown people out is a must but leaving an open border up north so the white people can get in is ok --- You are a Conservative

If you promote abstinence while having 2 children with kids outside of marriage --- You’re Sarah Palin

If you’ve every said “He’s to educated” --- You are a conservative

If you think we need to restrict the first amendment to protect the second -- You are a conservative

If you think George Bush is a war hero for invading Iraq but John Kerry is a coward for speaking out against Vietnam --- you are a conservative

If you’ve ever used the excuse “I had better things to do” as a reason you dodged the military draft --- you are a conservative

If you think having a better life then your parents means having more money - you are a conservative

If you think a better life means finding love and friends and being happy - you are a liberal

If you think 3.00 for a gallon of gas is way to high but have no problem spending 3.29 for a bottle of water -- you may be a conservative

If you think oil pipelines, coal factories, fracking, pollution, landfills have no effect on the environment -- you are a conservative

If you don’t want to leave your kids debt but have no problem leaving them dirty air and polluted water --- you are a conservative

If your head of ethics is a guy convicted of auto theft and the main suspect in an arson/insurance fraud scheme -- you might be a conservative

If you put people on the science committee who think vaccines make your kids “retarded” and the bible is a history book -- you are a conservative
If you form an anti tax group after the black president cuts your taxes to lowest level in 50 years -- you are a conservative

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