A CHRISTMAS CAROL
The Tea Party Republican Version
Jacob Marley is sitting at his desk in when Mr. Scrooge tells him he will have to work on Christmas day.
“Please Mr. Scrooge I want to visit my son in the hospital” said Jacob.
“I’m sorry, you are way behind on your work and need to get caught up so you will work” yelled Mr. Scrooge.
Later that night Ebenezer laid his head down and went to sleep in his nice silk sheets watching his gigantic big screen plasma television. He was awoken by the sounds of rattling chains, to his surprise there was a pale white ghost floating over his bed. After catching his breath the ghost pointed at him and said “you will be visited by three ghosts this night, the past, the present and the future”.
Ebenezer was rattled and could not get back to sleep so he called down to his kitchen and asked the maid if she would make him something to eat. While he sit waiting for his late night snack the window blew open and a young ghost appeared, he grabbed Mr. Scrooge and yanked him out the window. They stopped outside a small home with a beautiful family getting ready to go on a vacation.
“What is this?” asked a startled Ebenezer Scrooge
“I am the ghost of Capitalism past” replied the ghost, “This is what life was like before the great Sir Ronald Reagan rode into town on his horse and freed the rich and oppressed from their shackles”. He continued to explain to Ebenezer that before Reagan families lived a nice life and could afford homes, cars and even family vacations and all with one parent working. The ghost pointed out how simple life was then, how the rich still had a large share of money but the poor and working class where not hurting and could afford the things they needed to live a good life. He then returned Ebenezer to his bedroom just in time for the maid to bring him a late night sandwich.
Upon finishing up his sandwich the walls rattled and a second ghost appeared “I am the ghost of capitalism present” the ghost cried out. He took Ebenezer by the hand and whisked him away to what appeared to be the child ward of a hospital.
“What’s this that you are showing me?” Mr. Scrooge yelled with anger in his voice. “Just watch and see” the ghost of capitalism present snapped back.
As they watched Jacob Marley came in and hugged the feeble young women who was sitting over the hospital bed of what appeared to be a sick child. He explained to his wife and children that he will not be attending their Christmas dinner because his mean old boss has to make him work. Shortly after a beautiful busty nurse came in and explained to the family that the insurance company approved surgery and that their little boy would survive and live a full and healthy life but will have to spend the rest of his life on expensive medications. The nurse left the room and the family decided they could go without eating a few days a week if it meant their son would life, or if need be Jacob would get a 4th job to help pay the bills.
With that Mr. Scrooge found himself back in his bedroom and was feeling sad and depressed
for what he had just seen, just then a third ghost appeared saying he was the ghost of capitalism future and reached for Ebenezer who pulled back and said “I don’t think that I can take any more of this”. The ghost grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him away. They ended up in a nice home with a car in the driveway.
“Whose house is this?” asked Mr. Scrooge as he looked on.
The ghost pointed to Mr. Marley getting out of his car as his children ran out and gave him a hug, Mr. Scrooge even noticed the small boy from the hospital who appeared to be on his death bed. Jacob reached in the back seat and pulled out presents for everyone and handed the gift to the once sick boy and said “Tim this one is for you”.
“How is this possible?” asked Ebenezer Scrooge as he looked on in amazement. The ghost pointed out that after winning re-election President Obama raised taxes on the richest Americans and helped bring down the income gap in America while providing health care to every American so that a father could care for his children and didn’t have to worry about losing everything if he or his wife got sick.
“That is amazing, so if I pay just a little more in taxes this country could be a beautiful place again and the American dream will thrive?” asked Ebenezer “But I though you where the ghost of capitalism and that seems like socialism.”
The ghost said this was only one choice, then he showed him the same family sitting around a grave crying. “What is this you are showing me now” asked Mr. Scrooge with a sad look on his face. The ghost explained this is the future if he chooses to move his company to China where he can find cheaper workers and expand his company. With him gone Jacob lost his insurance and could not find any that would help his son because they called his sickness a pre-existing condition and would not cover it. Jacob would lose his house and all his possessions while trying to find the money for his sons surgery and would ultimately be unable to save the life of Tiny Tim. His wife would leave him and he would have one son in the ground and never be able to see the other 2 until he drinks himself to death.
“That’s Horrible” exclaimed Mr. Scrooge “why would I put this poor family thought this”? The ghost handed him a bank slip showing him how much money he would have if he moved to China. Then told Ebenezer “remember that nubile young nurse who was taking care of Tim while in the hospital”?. Ebenezer nodded his head as the ghost said “That would be your new wife”.
Christmas morning came and Ebenezer Scrooge walked to the desk of Jacob Marley and informed him that today would be his last day as the company is moving overseas and he will greatly be missed.